The guide to women translations

This is just for fun... men's joke... no offense to ladies yar...

The women says: You want
The women means: You want

The women says: We need
The women means: I want

The women says: It's your decision
The women means: The correct decision should be obvious

The women says: Do what you want
The women means: You'll pay for this later

The women says: We need to talk
The women means: I need to complain

The women says: Sure... go ahead
The women means: I don't want you to

The women says: I'm not upset
The women means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The women says: You're ... so manly
The women means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The women says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The women means: I have flabby thighs.

The women says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The women means: I want a new house.

The women says: I want new curtains.
The women means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The women says: I need wedding shoes.
The women means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The women says: Hang the picture there
The women means: No, I mean hang it there!

The women says: I heard a noise
The women means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The women says: Do you love me?
The women means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The women says: How much do you love me?
The women means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The women says: I'll be ready in a minute.
The women means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The women says: Am I fat?
The women means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The women says: You have to learn to communicate.
The women means: Just agree with me.

The women says: Are you listening to me?
The women means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The women says: Yes
The women means: No

The women says: No
The women means: No

The women says: Maybe
The women means: No

The women says: I'm sorry
The women means: You'll be sorry

The women says: Do you like this recipe?
The women means: You better get used to it

The women says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
The women means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The women says: Was that the baby?
The women means: Get out of bed and walk him

The women says: I'm not yelling!
The women means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

The women says: The same old thing.
The women means: Nothing.

The women says: Nothing.
The women means: Everything.

The women says: Nothing, really.
The women means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The women says: I don't want to talk about it.
The women means: I'm still building up steam.